It was my first experience of using art and design to transform myself. The artwork was not detached from who I was, but an integral part of my living and breathing. It was oddly purposeful, simple and beautiful.
letters to words and sentences
I have an uncanny knack for words. I am amused by the shape and sound of them. I primarily associate words to create images. They are the building blocks for my mind maps, and for every design idea. My most favourite games are word games - wordles, searches, jumbles, associations, and charades. As a child, I particularly enjoyed Hangman and Scrabble. One of my earliest memories of playing a computer game, is pixelated Hangman on Microsoft 98. I was in 1st or 2nd grade, and it was my everyday ritual. My mom would feed me dinner and I would be clicking away to mechanized beeps of guessing the right letters.
My earliest memory of letters itself, goes back to montessori school where we were asked to trace sandpaper cutouts of the English alphabet every day with our index finger. It was one of those activities similar to memorising tables. This was different however, because I didn't have to remember anything; I simply had to feel the grainy texture of the letters, and it was so much fun.
My love for letters turned into that for words. Spelling Bees were my forte. Jumbled letters to find the right word was even more exciting. After I was introduced to cursive writing, my love for words turned into those for sentences. Writing in cursive was a rhythmic activity that we were asked to do repeatedly on four lined notebooks. Writing without breaks was a challenge, and it was like drawing kolams but for language.
That was a brief history of my primary school years learning the shape and sound of language. As I sit and now type this essay up, clicking and clacking, (I can assure you that I'm not a great typist) but a keyboard is far more efficient and quicker to express my thoughts. However, I have a special place in my heart for the physical act of writing and 'designing writing'. It adds more character to what I feel and have to say so many times, and looks like more than text on a white page.
introduction to typography
I was formally trained in art during high school. I always thought of art as a representative to the closest truth. The difference was in the element of exaggeration to make it seem more artistic. (this applies to still life drawing and nature studies as well) Surprisingly, for the longest time I never used art to express what I felt. It was the technique that I was fond of. The way the colours flowed effortlessly on paper, slowly building up to the final drawing was a process that I revered. For inspiration, I looked externally; seeking out objects or landscapes, mimicking them using different mediums.
It was only when I was introduced to typography for the first time through a workshop in high school, that I understood how to express emotions by creating compositions that were representative of internal truths. It maybe goes back to my knack for absorbing words and their meanings. Even with music, I find rap music much more engaging and emotional because of the composition of words.
defn: "Typography is the art and technique of arranging type to make written language legible, readable and appealing when displayed."
(I would add, 'and to break all of it. To make it illegible but understandable, to convey something more than what the text has to say' to the dictionary definition.)
In design, I'm most intrigued by expressive typography - a discipline that breaks, shatters, melts and moulds letters to form words and then sentences. Meanings of the text are embodied in the design of the characters themselves or in the character of the composition that the text has generated.
type transforms
The design brief for the typography workshop was very open. We had to choose 'a' word and then design a composition around it having the word as the central concept. Around that time, I was participating in a many activities; taking up and even excelling at new skills. I held a key leadership position in my sports team, and was participating in public speaking events like debates. Every time I took part in something, I was proud of myself and would ask "Did I really do that?" Everything was about breaking the limitations that I had set for myself and expand what I could do.
This was starkly different to my disposition as a child in montessori school; quieter, closed and hiding behind a veil of thoughts.
After some brainstorming, I chose my word: it was going to be 'fearless.' Even if I was constantly trying new things, I had these deep rooted internal fears that held me back. I said, this is a good time to break those too. My composition was titled 'I want to be fearless.'
As I worked on it, everyone at the workshop started calling me 'the fearless girl.' I decided that I wasn't going to be only writing it, I was going to be fearless. My text composition didn't contain anything too creative. No complex sentences, only words. A composition that contained my greatest fears.
I chose to write them on black paper because it represented an endless void/ vortex of fear that sucked me from within. These fears held me back from doing many things. I used a whitener pen to write my fears. It was challenging to write them as the paper kept absorbing the white ink within its textured surface making the words disappear. I didn't give up and kept writing. Soon enough, a curtain of words - half blotched and barely visible started appearing. I struggled with different papers before I arrived at the right one that made the words seem like they were there. It was a tough process, but I somehow made it.
If you notice, the letters in the sentence 'I want to be fearless' are tumbling down. They are not loud, but colourful, slender and all over the place. I wanted them to show how many times I had told myself to face my fears, I was going back and forth on them. It was going to need unexpected moments of bravery and some faltered steps to make it over the bridge.
During the same week, the word just kept playing in my head. Not a song, but the word! 'fearless' was deeply stamped into me. That week I learned to float on water, I held a snake in my hand and I climbed a tree to pluck some mangoes. I had overcome these fears by just writing them.
The fear of .......
When I look back, it was my first experience of using art and design to transform myself. The artwork was not detached from who I was, but an integral part of my living and breathing. It was oddly purposeful, simple and beautiful. I recently found the work while I was rearranging my portfolio. Almost a decade after, I peered in and tried to read my fears. My memory of making the project only tells me of the fear of external elements that went into the writing. Of how I overcame the fear of water and heights. But when I read into the text, I found words like loneliness and religion. I was surprised. Death. These were words I had been disturbed by, and at the same time was curious about. They revealed to me more about myself and who I had been at 14.
At 24, I see many of these fears returning to cloud my aspirations. I see myself as the montessori school child, who feels a heavy mist of strangeness settling upon her surroundings. The world has collapsed back into unreadable words and long sentences. I try joining the tumbling letters to maybe make some words and then some sentences.
Like before, I've decided to write my way out of it.
---- Swarna
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