(Un)Reliable People?

It's weird how you can trust the most distant stranger you met seconds ago to help you with your baggage, but it takes so many days to convince yourself to share something with a friend you've known for decades. True, it is a matter of scale; of emotional depth that the act allows, but I might as well trust a stranger with my strange story rather than someone who knows me.

I trust kids even more. They see love and fear right through you. They trust you.

I can share my deepest secrets with a toddler to hear them babble back at me. But a friend who's known you for years? No, somehow I can't.

Maybe it's the fear of vulnerability. To peel the layers that you are meshed with and expose your most fragile self. But beyond vulnerability, it's the fear of not being seen. Of not being acknowledged.

And that can be hurtful, if you allow it.

I allowed myself to be hurt multiple times this year. It has been the toughest part of being an adult. To seemingly forget people that I don't want to forget.

I read somewhere that your friendship circle changes every seven years. I counted my lived life. That does seem true. However the nature of how friendships have changed has changed. Earlier, friendships seemed to fade. We would try to keep in touch until we couldn't. Nowadays it's a sharp cut. Like with a samurai's sword. Unforgiving. We can keep in touch, we have all the technology, but we don't want to.

I could only write this much, because I trust the whole world too much and rely on it heavily to even start complaining.